


Karen's Guardian Angel

by PrincessMyxomatosis



Series: Kenny/Mysterion [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Love, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-10-10 16:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20530877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessMyxomatosis/pseuds/PrincessMyxomatosis
Summary: This story begins being mostly about Kenny and Karen and leads up to being more about Mysterion. I'm still learning how to find natural breaks in my writing so bear with me on how short these first couple of chapters will be. Kenny is a prostitute in this story so a good bit of my side stories will be smutty. This is your warning.





	1. Karen's lesson.

**Author's Note:**

> Karen gets a small taste of what it's like to be Kenny.

Mysterion has been shot 13 times by a gang of thugs after he rescued Karen from their grasp. She had been kidnapped and they were trying their hardest to remove her clothing. They’d acted nice at first, offering her roses and material things in exchange for a “good time”, but when she repeatedly told them she wasn’t like her brother they had snapped. She was going to be theirs whether she wanted to be or not.

She slipped the bloody roses from his arms, sobbing as she held him close. He had protected her for the entirety of her life, every time something bad happened – he appeared suddenly, and always made things better. She stayed there sobbing until the cops showed up. She was sure that this time, he wasn’t coming back. Her guardian angel had finally earned his wings.

That is, until he showed up on her doorstep the next day.. “But.. You.. You were..” She stands at the doorstep with tears in her eyes, she hadn’t slept all night. She tried to call her brother Kenny, but he hadn’t answered. He was probably at one of his many jobs she had thought. He wouldn’t have understood anyway, he never believed in her guardian angel, he got a little jealous of her interest in him though. Kenny had always been Karen’s protector until Mysterion came along.

As Mysterion opens his arms, Karen falls into them sobbing uncontrollably. “Shh, there there..” He whispers gently, kissing the top of her head. “I told you, I will always be here. I will never leave you.”  
She looks up at him, still scared and shaking. “You.. were gone.. There was no pulse, no breathing.” She looks to the ground, trying to get her bearings. “Who.. o-or maybe rather.. what.. are you?”  
“That I can’t say” He says sternly “Just know that I’ll always be there in your time of need, but for now I have some thugs to find” He smiles to her, giving a small peck to her cheek before parkouring away.

A couple of hours later Kenny comes home, visibly stressed and limping. “Which one was it this time, Kenny? Who hurt my brother today?” Karen is more upset than usual today, she usually just ignores Kenny’s “Jobs” but for some reason today she is mortified of the thought of it.  
“I wasn’t even with anyone today, Karen. I got hurt at an ACTUAL job today.” He claims defensively. “What’s with you anyway?” He asks, cocking his head to the side, “You usually just ignore the cum stains” He smirks.  
“N-Nothing..” She looks to the floor and makes a run for her room, Kenny yelling after her. Realizing that she’s actually upset, he walks slowly to her room, she’s left the door cracked and she’s on the bed sobbing into her pillow. He slides his jacket around her and sits next to her. “You don’t have to tell me, but I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong” He says in an almost whisper. Karen lifts her head and wipes her eyes, “It’s stupid.. but..”  
He stops her, “It’s not stupid if it has you upset”

She proceeds, “Well.. I got jealous of all the attention you get sometimes.. and.. I wanted to know what it was like to.. be you?”  
If you could describe his face in one word at this point it’d be HORRIFIED.  
“I’m sorry Kenny..”  
“No, Karen.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you that what I do is out of necessity, not fun. I’m sorry that I’ve not set a better example as a big brother. I’m sorry that you’ve seen your brother sexualized by so many people in this town that it made you ‘jealous’ of the fact that I am a whore. Please, Karen.. Promise me, that you will NEVER be like me.”  
She nods and hugs at her legs. “I just wanted a taste of the more upscale foods. I’ve seen you at those fancy restaurants with those men and I was so hungry. You were at work and I thought you would be coming there after work, you usually do on Tuesdays.”  
“You’ve noticed patterns in my schedule eh?” He scratches his head and sighs, “Why do you even want to know where I work every day?”  
“I just want to make sure you’re safe Kenny,” She scoots closer and leans against him. “You’re my brother, and I care about you.”

“Anyway, I had told them that you were on your way, and that I was your sister. I asked if they would mind buying me dinner before you got there, and they had agreed. They said I was ‘beautiful’ and complimented my hair - remember how you helped me add the ribbons? Well.. I told them that I was underage and they seemed to get the hint, for a while anyway. They had roses sent to the table, and I thought they were just being nice. I watched two of them keep going to the reservation room. I had assumed they were prepping for their evening with you. I got to taste French desserts Kenny! I’ve never had  
crepes before!” She giggles a little at the memory; the waitress had accidentally dropped the plate and had to re-order her food.

“Back to the story though- They said they had a surprise for you, and they wanted me to see it first. I had a gut feeling that I didn’t want to know what it was, so I politely declined and shoved another forkful of crepes in my mouth; but the big burly one grabbed my arm so hard it hurt. I looked up at him, and then he pulled me to my feet and practically dragged me to the reservation room. I looked up and to my horror they had prepped two areas. When I explained that I wasn’t there for that, and that I’m not willing to part with my virginity for material things or food, they didn’t seem to take the hint anymore.  
The burly guy had drank an entire bottle of wine, and the other four weren’t much better off. I actually held my own with the exception of some rips in my clothes and a few bruises until Mysterion showed up. I’m so lucky he did though. They’d almost gotten my pants off. But then..” She stops, tearing up again. “They shot him, it felt like it was in slow motion, but they all emptied their guns into him and ran off.” She sobs, Kenny rubbing at her back. “H-He was dead, I know he was. But then he showed up today and I don’t understand how?” She  
looks up at Kenny and cries, “He had no pulse.. He wasn’t breathing.. He was DEAD!”

Kenny just sits there, taking everything in for a moment. “Karen..” He holds her close, “Please never tell anyone I ‘work’ with that you’re my little sister. I don’t want ANYTHING like this happening again.” He hugs her a little tighter, “I don’t want you getting hurt because of my occupation.”  
“You don’t have to worry about that,” Karen says, hugging him back "I’m more worried about you now, though.”

“I’ll be okay” He pats her on the back, “and if you needed anything, why didn’t you just ask me? You know we have the money for it. I made us a joint account for a reason; it’s not just for lunch money and bills Karen.” He chuckles, “What do you think I make all that money for? I make it to spoil my little sister. That’s why I made sure to have a house big enough to get you out of mom’s. That’s why I work three different jobs on top of the ho-ing.” He laughs and pats her head. “Speaking of, what time is it?” He looks down at his phone,  
“8:30?! I’m gonna be LATE!”

Karen helps Kenny find decent clothes, “I still don’t understand why you feel the need to dress up for this client” She sighs.  
“Because it’s important to make a good impression, he’s quite wealthy after all. I can’t just show up as my usual self and expect a good tip!”  
She rolls her eyes, “Why am I helping you again?”  
“You asked me if you could” He shrugs.  
“Riiight.. The heartfelt talk made me care.” She sticks her tongue out.  
“Love you too, kiddo.” He smirks, “How do I look?”  
“Like a mess, but in nice clothes?” She pokes.  
“Gee, Thanks.. I’m sure he’ll go for THAT” He rolls his eyes and  
tousles her hair. “Thanks for the help.”  
“Brush your hair, and maybe your teeth too, and it won’t be AS much of a mess” Karen giggles.  
“Okay, it’s 9:00. I have an hour to get there. I’m nervous about this one, Karen.”  
She cocks her eyebrow, “You’ve never been nervous about a client.. You always know exactly what to say and do. What’s different about this one?”  
“Ugh.. He’s cute… and I mayyy have had a crush on him for a while?” Kenny blushes and pulls on his parka strings.  
“Oh, this is SERIOUS!” She says half jokingly, “You have a CRUSH?!”  
She pulls his parka hood open, “WHO?? Spill the tea!” She giggles as he blushes more.  
“N-no one in particular.” He sighs, “I’ll tell you, IF it goes well.”  
“You had better!” She squeals, rushing him to the door.

A limo pulls up in front of the McCormick’s three bed house, “He knows where we LIVE?” She gasps, wide-eyed.  
“Well, he’s known where I lived for a while.” Kenny slaps his forehead in a facepalm.  
“No one really knows where we live though, like not even Butters!”  
“I know, b-but it came up in conversation, he had asked about you and Kevin”  
“He knows me and Kevin?!” She gets more surprised by every sentence.  
“I have to go now, I’ll catch you later. Lock the doors.” Kenny runs  
to the limo and slides inside before any more questions can be asked.

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(((((((This is where you’ll read the FIRST Side Story!)))))))

She goes back into the house and locks the doors, watching Kenny leave from the window. She texts him:

“Can I invite a friend over to help me with homework?”  
“Seen at: 9:15”  
“Pleeease Kenny? Just Tricia?”  
“Seen at 9:17”  
“Kenny?”  
“Sure, keep the doors locked though. I know Craig and Tweek will come with her, so just tell them where my games are and that I’ll be home in a little while.”  
“UGH I forgot that her dad always sends her brother with her.. I guess as long as he stays out of MY room and maybe cooks dinner..”  
“OH! I ordered some pizzas, they should be dropping off in about 20 minutes – I already tipped.”  
“Best big brother EVER! Thank you!”  
“Gotta go now, Love ya.”

‘At least I get some time with Tricia.’ Karen thinks, cleaning up the living room while she waits for her guests to arrive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek is anxious about Kenny's "Date" as everyone tries to figure out who he's with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, but worth it I think?

Tricia shows up about ten minutes later, her brother and his boyfriend trailing behind her.  
“Hey Trish!” Karen greets her friend with a smile and a wave from the porch.  
“Karen!” Tricia runs up the steps and practically attacks Karen with a hug.  
“You two gonna make out, or can we go inside?” Craig chuckles, not letting go of Tweek’s hand.  
“So.. Cold..” Tweek twitches, clutching his coffee in one hand and Craig’s hand in the other.  
“I told you to wear a jacket, Honey.” Craig rolls his eyes.

They all but get seated around the living room when the doorbell rings.  
“Oh yeah, Kenny ordered us some pizza!” Karen jumps up and runs to the door, but doesn’t expect the pizza boy to be Stan Marsh. “H-Hey Stan!” Karen says nervously.  
“Oh, hey Karen. Your bro here?”  
“Nah, he went out – I think it’s an actual date?”  
Stan looks shocked for a split second, then begins to laugh. “No way dude, Kenny? On a DATE?”  
“HEY! He could have any person in this town if he wanted, with the exception of these two – they’re off limits” She points at Craig and Tweek.

“What about me?” Tricia pouts. “Why am I not off limits?”  
“Because you know better” Karen giggles.

“Oh brother..” Stan rolls his eyes. “Are y’all really going to eat TEN pizzas?”  
“TEN?!” Karen stares at him for a second, “Come to think of it, he never did ask what I wanted. He probably just ordered the top ten things I’d eat.”  
“Can you say ‘spoiled’?” Stan smirks.  
“Need some help?” Tweek twitches and begins to stand, but Craig stops him.  
“I’ll help him Honey, you take your meds okay?” He says pulling a bottle of water out of his backpack. He then stands and walks to Stan, who hands him four of the pizzas.  
“Thanks man” Stan says, grabbing the other six pizzas from the car.

Once Stan leaves, they all dig in – Kenny had even thought to get two vegetarian options for Tweek.

“You’ll have to thank Kenny for us when he gets home, Karen” Tricia says, devouring a slice.  
“He should be back before you guys leave, I think” Karen says between slices.  
“He’s coming back tonight?” Craig asks, slightly confused.  
“Yeah, why?” Karen asks inquisitively.  
“Well you had said it was a date, so we weren’t sure” Tweek chimes in.  
“I said I think it’s a date.” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know for  
sure. He just said he had a crush on this one, and not in a sarcastic way this time.”  
“Wait.. What?!” Tweek’s eyes widen, “Like, an actual crush?”  
“Yeah, why?” Karen asks nervously.  
“I’ve only known of one person he’s ever had a crush on” Craig looks confused. “Butters doesn’t buy dates though.”  
“Uhh.. I don’t think it’s butters..” Tweek looks at his phone, there’s a post from Butters, it’s a picture of him on a date with someone; though he can’t place exactly who it is.  
“Nah, it’s some wealthy guy” Says Karen, “Let’s change the subject, please?”  
“If you guys are done eating, didn’t we come over here so that y’all could do ‘homework’ together?” Craig smirks.  
“Hey! We do have actual homework to do; the girl talk is just a bonus!” Tricia pipes up.  
With that, they head to Karen’s room.

“Ugh finally, alone time” Craig grins and kisses Tweek on the cheek.  
“Gah!” Tweek exclaims, “Craig.”  
“Babe, you okay? Something bothering you?”  
“I think I know who Kenny has a crush on, and if so he could be in danger.” Tweek worries.  
“Who?” Craig asks, a serious tone in his voice.  
“Remember that redheaded kid who moved away for some fancy law school?”  
“Kyle Broflovski? He lives in another state, Babe.” Craig pushes some hair out of Tweek’s face.  
“Gah!-No.. I saw his husband the other day. They moved back to town!” Tweek twitches, scared for his friend Kenny.  
“Cartman is back in town?” Craig glares into the distance. His feud with Eric goes back to elementary school.  
“Yeah, but that’s not the important part Craig…” Tweek trails on.  
“Right, so you’re saying that you think Kenny is with Kyle?”  
“Yeah from what I’ve heard, him and Cartman got into a huge fight. It was so bad that Kyle filed for divorce, and Eric has been trying to fight it. He is apparently extremely jealous of anyone who so much as looks at Kyle.” Tweek continues, “That’s what the fight was about; He beat up some guy who was checking out Kyle’s ass at the grocery store. That’s why they moved down here. Kyle is extremely successful and it would seem that Cartman had made him sign a prenuptial agreement that  
kind of screws himself over. Kyle has been giving him an allowance that would keep him from becoming homeless, but he keeps spending it on Kyle – trying to get him back.” Tweek twitches.  
“Dude, uh.. Honey? How do you know all of this?” Craig asks sheepishly.  
“I told you I saw Cartman the other day.” Tweek says calmly.  
“Right.. and he just.. gave away all of this information willingly?” Craig asks, cocking an eyebrow.  
“Not entirely, I read about the assault online.” Tweek replies.

After a few minutes Craig shrugs, “Let’s not spend our alone time worrying about them, Babe.”  
“You’re right, we can talk about this with Kenny when he gets home.”  
Tweek replies, “After all, Karen did say he was coming back home tonight.”  
“Sure did.” Craig claims with a smirk, “Now, where was I before you so rudely interrupted” he winks, pulling Tweek into his lap, kissing him gingerly on the neck.  
“Craig.."Tweek nuzzles into Craig’s embrace.

Meanwhile, down the hallway – Tricia is doing Karen’s hair, as the pretty ribbons from the night before had been ripped out.

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(((((((This is where you’ll read Karen and Tricia’s Girl talk)))))))


	3. "So, how'd it go?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny being the mom-friend XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, and I'll be posting the side stories in a little while.

Several hours later, Tricia and Karen have finished their homework and passed out in her room watching a movie. Craig and Tweek had played a few of Kenny’s videogames and ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms on the couch. The pizza is still in boxes on the kitchen table. The house is quiet, save for some snoring. Kenny arrives back home and assesses the situation.

‘Not quite what I was expecting to come home to’ He thinks to himself as he flicks a blanket across the two on the couch, kissing their foreheads and chuckling to himself. ‘Guess I really am the “mom friend” of our group’. Tweek awakens at the feeling. “Gah!” He begins to shriek, “Oh, Kenny! Hey.” He blushes.  
“I guess everyone kind of fell asleep waiting for you” Craig says through a yawn.  
“It’s okay, you can all sleep here tonight. It’s way too late to walk home.”  
“Thank you Kenny.” Tweek says shakily.  
“No problem, I may have anticipated this – I’ve already contacted Mr. Tucker and your dad Tweek. When I couldn’t get ahold of Karen earlier I figured everyone was asleep.” Kenny smiles.  
“So uh.. How was your ‘date’?” Craig asks, searching for expression on Kenny’s face.  
“Don’t know that I’d call it that but I have another next week.” Kenny smirks.  
Tweek looks over at Craig with a worried expression. “W-What?!” Tweek nearly shouts.  
“What do you mean ‘What?’” Kenny responds.  
“Just please.. Tell me it isn’t who I think it is.” Tweek answers shakily.  
Kenny sighs, “Well Tweek, who do you think it is?” He asks, knowing by his expression that Tweek already knows.  
“Tell me it isn’t Kyle” Tweek responds. “Broflovski is dangerous” he adds.  
“Kyle isn’t the one who’s dangerous, Tweek” Craig inputs. “Cartman is.”  
“How did you guys even know they were back in town?” Kenny replies.  
“Tweek ran into Cartman the other day, and Cartman basically told Tweek everything that was going wrong with Kyle and his relationship.” Craig rolls his eyes at that last statement.  
“Wow, he really is desperate huh?” Kenny chuckles.  
“Kenny this is serious. Cartman is unstable; He’s likely to KILL you!”Tweek shouts.

“What’s all the noise about?” Karen asks rubbing her face sleepily. “I got up to pee and I heard yelling.”  
“Hey Karen, I’m home” Kenny changes the subject, hugging his sister.  
“Please tell me you’ve showered!” She has a look of disgust on her face.  
“Of course I did, he even wanted to pay extra for it.” Kenny chuckles.  
“Ugh GROSS!” She smacks at him.  
“Karen?” Tricia seems to have awoken in the midst of everything.  
“Okay you guys, since we’re all awake – and I’m finally home, let’s actually eat together like a ‘family’” Kenny giggles, “After all – That’s the one thing we DIDN’T do – EAT.”  
“He paid all of that money to get you into bed and even EXTRA for a shower; and he didn’t even feed you?!” Karen shouts.  
“What can I say? We were too busy to eat.” Kenny winks.  
“Don’t need to hear this!” Tricia shouts. “Gross.”

They all sit down at the kitchen table. Kenny opens his pizza box to find it completely intact. “What? Nobody likes anchovies?” He says with a laugh.  
“Fucking gross dude,” Craig responds with a slight snarl.  
“Nah, you should see what some of those rich people eat” Kenny chuckles.  
“You mean other than snails?” Karen responds.  
“Blech! Disgusting you guys, I’m trying to EAT!” Tricia exclaims.  
“Me too” Tweek says, tugging at his shirt a little.  
Kenny shrugs eating the last bite of his slice. “Tastes good to me.”

After they’ve finished eating Karen begins cleaning up with help from Craig and Tricia while Kenny and Tweek hunt down extra blankets. Karen and Tricia had the brilliant idea of making a blanket fort, but they needed more blankets and pillows. Kenny hands Tweek a few pillows “Hang on to those, they aren’t for the girls.” Kenny grins.  
“What do you mean?” Tweek questions.  
“I’ve got a plan to make you and Craig more comfortable in the living room.” He responds.  
“Oh, well..” Tweek looks down at the pillows and back up at Kenny, “Thanks” he says with a twitch.  
“Here, hold this” Kenny says, handing Tweek five twin sized blankets.  
“Jesus, okay!” Tweek exclaims.  
Kenny laughs, “Those are also going with you.” He climbs down from the step-ladder holding ten more blankets and a few more pillows. “Slumber parties were planned” he chuckles.  
“I can tell,” Tweek says tugging at his hair and almost dropping everything.

They arrive back to the living room carrying more than either of them could see past, almost tripping over everything. “Little help please?” Tweek cries out.  
Craig rushes over to him, helping him lift the blankets off the ground and throwing them over to the couch. “Where am I putting those?” He barks at Kenny.  
“Thooose are for you two.” Kenny rolls his eyes.  
“Oh.. Thanks?” Craig looks confused.  
“Give me a few and I’ll help you set up.” Kenny responds.

He calls Karen and Tricia to take the rest of the blankets and pillows to Karen’s room. Kenny has instructed them to stay in the bedroom unless absolutely necessary.

Kenny returns to the living room and pulls the couch about 5 feet from the wall. He then begins laying the first blanket down between the back of the couch and the wall creating a makeshift bedroom. He then lays the next blanket on top of that, then another, and yet another – creating a makeshift mattress. He tosses the pillows down towards the  
top and folds the final blanket at the end. “There ya go, a bit of  
privacy for the night. The girls have been instructed not to disturb you guys, so feel free to do whatever. I’m going out for a bit, but I’ll keep my cell on vibe if you need me.”  
“Thanks Kenny” Craig responds, looking into the kitchen to see Tweek pouring yet another cup of coffee. “But where are you headed now?”  
“Mysterion has a night job, Craig” Kenny winks.  
“You’re STILL doing that?!” he nearly shouts, quickly covering his mouth with his hands.  
“SHHH!” Kenny flails his arms almost screaming to shush him; “Karen still doesn’t know it’s me, and I’d like to keep it that way, she’d freak out a LOT more over that than the prostitution.”  
“Okay, okay..” Craig whispers back pulling his hands from his mouth.  
“Explains the muscles though.” He cocks an eyebrow at him, “Still though, that’s crazy.”  
“Gotta go – Callgirl is expecting me.” Kenny interrupts.  
“SHE’S still doing that?!” Craig’s eyes widen, “Does Stan know?”  
“That I’m not sure about, their personal life is none of my business” Kenny states, closing the door behind him.  
Craig’s phone lights up – “Text from: Kenny McCormick”  
‘Damn, that was fast?’ Craig thinks to himself. He clicks the text to read :  
“Oh and if you need them, top left drawer of my dresser ;)”  
‘WHAT?!’ he thinks. “Dude, wtf?” he texts back.  
“Just basing it off of you eye-fucking Tweek all night” Kenny replies.

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(((((((This is where you’ll read Craig x Tweek)))))))


	4. Coon & Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysterion and Callgirl are in danger - Will they make it out alive?
> 
> This is a pretty short chapter, and I swear there will be more action in the next Mysterion segment, this one was just to get some feelings out of the way. ^_^'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the accidental hiatus!!! Life has been CRAZY! I got to meet some of the members of two of my favorite bands (Pics on Insta and FB page) Eluveitie & Korpiklaani! I got a new vehicle, and I got a promotion at work - SOOO I haven't gotten a chance to update anything on YouTube in a bit. I'm still getting used to seeing myself in videos and it's kinda weird. Haha <3 I appreciate everyone sticking around for my updates though! There has been SO much attention on the Creek side story, so I'm pretty sure my next fic will focus on them ;) as for now, ENJOY more Kenny!!~ <3 
> 
> Love ~ Princess Myxomatosis :*

Kenny texts Callgirl next “Almost there, just a few blocks away” he puts his phone away and quickly changes into Mysterion. He kickflips off the wall and up to the roof of the next building, ‘I’m getting better at this’ he thinks to himself as he lands. He hops a few roofs over and drops back to the ground in an alleyway; directly beside Callgirl.  
“I was beginning to worry that you had forgotten about our ‘date’ tonight” Callgirl smirks.  
“Like I could ever miss a chance to have you alone?” Mysterion shoots back.  
“As IF” Callgirl scoffs.  
“That reminds me, Craig brought up a good point earlier.. Does Stan know that you still do this?” Mysterion asks, a serious look on his face.  
Callgirl blushes a bit, “Should I tell him?” She looks to her feet, “I feel he’d worry too much.”  
“It’s none of my business, but I have also never told Karen that I’m Mysterion;” He looks over to her, “She’d definitely freak out more over this than the prostitution thing – she was never supposed to know about THAT either.” He glares into the distance.  
“I wanted to tell you something you probably already know – Coon is back, and causing more trouble than ever.” Callgirl states.  
“I figured as much, you probably already know what I did today – I don’t need a lecture, but I found out why they skipped town.”  
“We can talk about this later, I just got an update on Coonstagram.” She interjects.  
“You still have that?” Mysterion chuckles.  
“It comes in handy for keeping track of that asshat Coon” Callgirl retorts with a roll of her eyes.  
“So what’s going on?” Mysterion goes back into serious mode.  
“It would seem that Coon has joined forces with Professor Chaos.”  
“That’s a dangerous team, we should be prepared for anything. Chaos doesn’t play when it comes to this shit.” Mysterion claims with an almost sad tone.  
“Why would Chaos want to join with Coon though?” Callgirl looks over to Mysterion. “Aren’t they like mortal enemies; and hasn’t Chaos been retired for a while?”  
“Depends on how big of a mouth Cartman has.” Mysterion almost breaks character, tears welling.  
“What do you mean?” Callgirl practically gasps, never having seen Mysterion show any emotion that wasn’t anger-driven.  
“I’m almost positive he knows where I went today, and I’m also almost positive it would cause Chaos to come back out to play if he knew.”  
“He couldn’t have just talked this out with you?”  
“No. He has never even made it clear what his intentions are with me; there are so many head games. I don’t really know what his deal is.” Mysterion cracks his neck. “Let’s get going, we aren’t going to catch them just sitting here talking. I’d like to get preventative measures on this one.”  
“Do we need backup?” Callgirl asks.  
“I’ve got backup in a button – all I have to do is press it and I’ve got 5 cops on standby, including your beloved Token Black.” Mysterion smirks as he ducks to piggyback her. “Hop on, I can get us where we’re  
going pretty quick.”  
She hesitantly climbs onto his back, being careful to hide the blush dusting her face.  
“Let’s go, hold on tight.” He jumps onto the railing of the closest building with ease. She’s impressed as he parkours so easily with her on his back.  
“You’re really good at this Ke- Uh.. Mysterion.” She holds tightly around him.  
“Impressed, eh?” He chuckles, dropping her onto the roof of Chaos Headquarters. “How many of his minions are still around?”  
“I know General Disarray is still following in Chaos’ footsteps like a lost puppy; He should be easy to distract though.”  
“What about the others?”  
“Some of them teamed up with Coon, meaning that they’ll be back in Chaos’ clutches once this is all over. What is our plan for tonight, Mysterion?”  
“We need information, we need to know what’s being planned; and how we’re going to stop it..” Mysterion checks the alley for guards. “Down there” He points.  
“I see them, checking my databases.”  
Mysterion watches as Chaos’ minions below begin pouring into an auditorium. “Why are there so many?” He asks, looking over to Callgirl  
for answers.  
“They’ve hacked my system!” She cries out, “IT’S A TRAP!”  
“I’m on it, you get out of here. Tell Stan the pizzas were delicious!”  
“Pizzas, right..” Callgirl runs away, escaping danger by the skin of her teeth. She calls Stan who immediately agrees to pick her up.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
((((((((Read Side Story # 4)))))))

Meanwhile, Mysterion has cornered Chaos’ minions, demanding answers and beating the shit out of those who refuse. He finally makes it into the building where Chaos and Coon have been waiting patiently, patting their feet on the ground, hands on their hips.  
“Well well well, look who we have here Professor!” Coon slithers over to Mysterion, slamming him to the ground – slicing his face with a claw.  
“Not the face, Coon!” Chaos retorts, kicking him in the shin. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”  
“Ow! Fuck you Butters!” Coon glares, at him.  
“What’s this about?” Mysterion snatches them both by their collars as they argue. “What do you two want?”  
“I want you to stay the FUCK AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!” Coon cries out, Mysterion can see water filling his eyes as he screeches at him. “I haven’t lost him yet! He’s still MINE!” Cartman has completely broken character, which is unlike him. He falls to his knees, bawling his eyes out. “He still loves me!” He continues wailing, not even attempting to save face.  
Chaos stares at Mysterion, looking for a reaction and getting frustrated when he doesn’t receive one. “Chaos?” Mysterion cocks an eyebrow at him, “What do you have to do with any of this?” He asks, hoping for a real answer this time.  
“If I have to tell you, there’s no point.” He responds, walking over to Coon, rubbing his back and whispering “there there’s” into his ear.  
“Kyle doesn’t want you anymore, Cartman. Face it, you blew it.” Mysterion snaps. “You fucked up. Deal with the consequences of your actions.” He removes his mask and begins walking towards Cartman and Butters. “I didn’t even know you guys were back in town until he hired me.”  
“How could you, Kenny?” Cartman is shaking at this point, “How could you betray me like this?”  
“Cartman, he told me why you forced him to move out of state.” Kenny responds angrily.  
“It wasn’t you I was worried about Kenny,” Cartman replies. “It was Stan.”  
“Stan has Wendy, don’t be ridiculous.”  
“You’ve never really paid attention to how Stan looks at Kyle, have you?”  
“Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?”  
“OH COME ON! It’s SO obvious!” Shouts Butters.  
“Stan AND Wendy honestly, they were always trying to take Kyle from me; you were just icing on the cake.” Cartman sighs. “Always bringing up stupid shit I had done in the past, stuff I fucked up about.” He continues, “Stuff I did before I realized that it wasn’t hate.. I was in love with him way before I realized I was.”  
“So your solution was to rid him of FRIENDS rather than prove yourself worthy of him?” Kenny’s words sting at him.  
“That’s WHY we came back, I never meant to isolate him. I was working on my temper, but then that guy..”  
“Cartman, Kyle is hot as fuck.” Kenny chuckles. “You’re going to have to face the fact that he’s going to get some looks here and there. Besides, it’s over man.” He lights up a cigarette. “He’s already made another appointment for next week.”  
The look on Butters face is one of devastation, then anger. “Why?” he asks, a simple question with multiple meanings behind it.  
“Why what?” Kenny asks, taking a drawl.  
“Why do you do that?” He’s holding everything in, shaking as he asks. Walking over to him.  
“Why do I do what?” He looks up, noticing that Butters has gotten much closer. Butters pulls the cigarette from Kenny’s lips, flicks it to the ground and stomps on it.  
“Why do you whore yourself out for money, when you already have three jobs.. Not to mention it’s a horrid example to set for your little sister.”  
“SHE was NEVER supposed to know about that BUTTERS!” Kenny realizes that Cartman has him by the wrists as he tries to reach for him.  
“Someone had to say something.” Butters responds calmly. “But that didn’t work, did it?”  
“Butters..” Kenny pulls his wrists from Cartman’s grasps. “Stay the FUCK away from my sister.” He growls.  
“I’m not going to hurt your precious sister, Ken.” He responds, “but I DO have BIG plans for you.” He laughs as Cartman slides cuffs around his wrists. “You may leave now, Coon.” 

Cartman pauses at the door on his way out, “Had fun on our date tonight by the way.” He winks at Butters and blows him a kiss, letting the door slam behind him.  
Butters rolls his eyes as the door latches. “If you call pining over your ex-husband over dinner a date.” 

‘Okay, that one stings a little’ Kenny thinks to himself, following Butters to wherever exactly he’s taking him. “Butters, what is it that you want from me?”  
“Ken..” Butters has dropped the Chaos act, he continues – “I don’t know how much more obvious I can be without just saying it bluntly.” He blushes and tugs at Kenny’s arm, pulling him towards him. “I’ve been in love with you since before our trip to Hawaii.” He looks to the ground, “I don’t expect that you feel anything for me, but I refuse to pay for a ‘good time’ when I want more than just sex from you.”  
“Butters, why couldn’t you have just SAID that.” Kenny pinches the bridge of his nose, a habit picked up by hanging out with Stan and Kyle for 19 years. “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time, I just didn’t think you’d ever want someone like me.”  
“Kenny, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You care about people. You’re probably the best person I know.” He pauses, looking him in the eyes; “I just think you could do better for yourself than whoring around and smoking.”  
Butters pulls Kenny into a hug and begins sobbing, “I don’t enjoy the thought of anything bad happening to you, and after what ALMOST happened with your sister. I…” the sobs take his voice and Kenny rubs his back trying to console him.  
“Butters, you do realize that’s a little hypocritical- you don’t want bad things to happen to me, yet you dress up and torture me?” Kenny chuckles.  
“You like it.” Butters rolls his eyes.  
“Of course I do, that’s not the point.” He laughs, freeing himself from the cuffs. “Butters, I don’t know what to say. You’ve always flirted and I’ve always flirted back. Why come and be blunt to me NOW?”  
“Because.. I don’t want you to get hurt. Eric doesn’t want you with Kyle, and he seemed pretty serious about what he said he would do..”  
“So this is to stop me from being with Kyle? Is that it?” a bit of anger rising in his voice, “That’s pretty fuckin’ selfish Butters.” He backs away from him, “Everyone, including you, knows how I’ve felt about him.. and now that he’s back you FINALLY admit your fucking feelings.”  
“That’s not what I meant Ken!” Butters grabs for his arm, but he pulls away.  
“Then what DID you mean?” Kenny asks, “I have wanted you since third grade, you’ve had ample chances to tell me how you felt; and when you never told me I went for Kyle. Kyle made and still makes me feel wanted. He’s never hidden his true feelings. Why did you?”  
“Because I’m a wimp! I’m not exactly the type you go for. I figured you were just flirting with me because you like the attention.”  
“Butters, I don’t HAVE a ‘Type’ I’m pansexual.” Kenny retorts. “Leo, I went all the way to Hawaii with you. And you’re not a wimp, you’re one of the strongest people I know..” He walks towards the door, “I have a lot to think about and I need time to do so. I’ll find you when I’m ready to talk. Just know that I AM going to Kyle’s next week, and there’s nothing that you OR Fatass can do to stop that.” He heads for the door and just as he’s about to open it, Butters speaks up.  
“Fine, I understand that you’re angry. I get it. I’m going to try and patch things up with Eric though, so.. I just wanted you to know my feelings. I’ll always have a place for you if you decide you’re done with that lifestyle though.” He stands in the doorway. “One more thing before you go..” He kisses Kenny on the cheek. “I’ll put Chaos back in the closet, where he belongs – so that you can focus on real crimes.”  
“Good.” Kenny puts his mask back on and Mysterion parkours away.

(((Read Side Story #5)))

Kenny walks slowly up his driveway, head aching from the conversation he’s just had. “Fuck.. Butters..” He sighs to himself. He looks up to see Craig and Tweek standing on the porch, wrapped in a blanket.

“Hey guys, I thought you’d have been asleep by now?” Kenny grins, noticing a couple of hickeys. “Yall have an eventful evening?” He chuckles.  
“We were about to go to bed, Tweek needed some fresh air.” Craig responds.  
Tweek notices Kenny staring at his neck; “Gah!” he twitches, “Are they that noticable?!”  
“I mean, I was looking for them, but yeah. I think they’ll be pretty hidden by your shirt though, if that’s what you’re worried about.”  
“Thanks, by the way.” Craig says, “For the uh..”  
“You’re welcome.” Kenny smiles. “Glad yall had a fun night.”  
“There are some croissants in the kitchen if you’re hungry.” Tweek says, changing the subject.  
“Nah, I’m really not.” Kenny smiles, halfheartedly. “Thank you though.”  
“Kenny McCormick turning down food?” Craig looks over to him, “What’s wrong?” He asks monotonously.  
Kenny sighs, “Nothing gets past you, eh? I’m gonna head to bed.” He fake-yawns, trying to get past the two now blocking the door.  
"Nah, You're gonna talk." Craig stops him.  
"And eat a croissant." Tweek chimes in.  
Kenny laughs, "Alright, fine. I don't need lectures though." He states, rubbing his arm where it got cut.  
"Honey, will you grab a wet washcloth? That cut looks a little deep." Craig asks Tweek.


End file.
